THE COMING APOCALYPSE

Here are three possible ways in which humanity will kickoff Armageddon.

Option Number 1: World economies will continue to crumble as the paper printing / bailouts continue. The Eurozone will go up in flames causing unrest among member countries. The domestic unrest of citizens will turn into foreign unrest as faltering states such as Greece and Spain continue to lose hegemony to powers beyond their borders. Austerity measures which have already caused riots will become even more extreme and, eventually, lead to either civil war or outright world war. This might seem far-fetched but when you consider the fact that the E.U. has agreed to give Greece over $170 Billion (that's a big "B") and Greece STILL might go under, it doesn't seem so inconceivable.

Option Number 2: And what should probably be Option Number 1, is Iran. Iran is and has been acting rather poorly for some time now. It's not just that they're nuts, it's that they're trying to bring other Islamic countries into the nut-shed. Iran has a very serious view of the end-of-times. They believe they are on the verge of bringing the 12th Imam to power. As a result, they are doing all they can to consolidate support among a core block of extremists throughout the world. That consolidation of power is troubling because, as we have discussed, Iran is on the verge of developing offensive nuclear capabilities. To top it off, they've upped their rhetoric about pre-emptive war recently. If decisions are not made before next year, it will likely be too late and Iran will go nuclear. Once that happens, you'll see an Israeli / Iranian Cold War... and those two don't get along very well... meaning it could get sun's surface hot in the middle east (versus the standard melt your sandal hot).

Option Number 3: Transgenic mutation caused by defrosted 30,000 year old flowers. Scientists in Russia (where else) have thawed out seeds found inside a squirrel's den after 300 centuries of curing.

The seeds were likely placed their by some gallant tree rat who realized the flower's pollen had single-handedly mutated all of his friends into zombie squirrels and caused the ice age. Now, our furry friends heroic efforts are for naught. Thanks Russia.

The Duck Was Right

...but you already knew that didn't you?

So a congressional report recently concluded that the TSA was bloated, ineffective and generally obnoxious. Shocking no?

Also, it turns out that the GM / Auto Bailouts were even worse than originally thought. Super shocking no?

As a fun FYI, it turns out GM didn't lose 14 BILLION of your hard earned dollars. They actually lost around $24 BILLION. (I bet that figure still goes up before its all said and done).

So, you see, dear reader, The Cluster Duck is always right.

Fuzzy Math

Today Chrysler (whom you loaned $12 + billion) and the US Treasury announced that the remaining shares of U.S. held stock were sold to Fiat. This buyout resulted in a net loss of $1.2 Billion in tax payer money (and a U.S. owned Company being exported to another country... the avoidance of which was the very purpose of the loan in the first place). That means, we're like $1.2 BILLION in the red... we "loaned" (read "gave") them a ton of money and 1.2 BILLION U.S. TAX DOLLARS, Yes, BILLION, was lost. Soo, how did the US Treasury react to this not-so-great news? Well, the Treasury called it a "major accomplishment." If that is the standard for major accomplishments, my student debt is one heck of an accomplishment. I deserve national recognition for it. Probably a Nobel Peace Prize or something.